Men Don't Listen and Wayne L. Misner 2023©    


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Anger & The Cycle Theory©

   (By Wayne L. Misner,

  The cycle theory, consisting of some form of tension building stage, then the explosion stage, then the honeymoon stage, is just one of many theories around today.  It does seem that when anyone holds in all of their emotions and tries to control them, the tension definitely builds.  Observing the release of these suppressed emotions seems to verify that the anger release is not in direct proportion to the event that precipitated the explosion.

  The honeymoon stage is not difficult to understand.  The individual who exploded feels like a complete jerk.  So, to make up for this inappropriate behavior, buys flowers, takes her to dinner and swears it will never happen again.  (In some cases where it has happened again and again, he now beg her to forgive him.)  I believe a pressure-cooker that has the release valve clogged up, will have the same tension building stage and explosion stage to follow.  The solution to the pressure cooker problem is the exact same solution for you or your loved one.  Release the tension slowly as it builds up.  Very simple, but very difficult for a man, who has this belief system that if he shows emotions, he is not strong and therefore is not a man.

  Another result of not letting the emotions come out, is that men are struggling with the problem of buried feelings.  These feelings are hidden so well and buried so deep that they cannot feel at all.  He is almost a robot.  Some men have broken out of this trance through some form of trauma.  It might have been a heart attack, a life-threatening event (car accident, plane accident, near drowning, work-related accident), or losing something important.  

This could be his job, a loved one through death or his significant other because he could not open up to allow her in, or he was so abusive that angry explosions may have driven her away.  That big wall he is hiding behind not only allows no one in, but also is his prison cell.  He cannot get out.  A life sentence!  What a price to pay for being afraid of feeling.