Designed by:
Men Don’t Listen
By Wayne L. Misner
First, I must thank all of you for participating in filling out the questionnaire. Second, I must thank Dr. Irene Matiatos for granting permission to use her web site www.DrIrene.com. Also, she gets credit for programming the questionnaire and helping me with designing it. I compliment all of you for candid answers, which I must believe were painful for many of you. I believe everyone was very honest with their answers. If you cannot be honest with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to be honest with you? Great job!
It's very possible the questionnaire can be skewed in various ways. For a number of reasons more women have filled out the form. It’s possible that men who have been abused may be too embarrassed to admit it. Mirroring the old joke of men not asking for directions, it seems they don’t ask for help either. I must give credit to all of you who were willing to admit you were, or are abusers. The first step of “The Twelve Steps of Domestic Violence Anonymous (VA)”, which I wrote for this article is, “We believe that we have abused and hurt those we love.” Facing the fact you have been the abuser, and admitting it to not only yourself, but to others, starts you on the path to change and become accountable to your friends and family.
Domestic abuse is a reality. Being disrespectful, verbal abuse and violent behavior are part of many families and partnerships. Domestic violence, unfortunately, is not just men being violent. The Department of Justice (6) reports that every 37.8 seconds a man is battered somewhere in the United States . Every 20.9 seconds a woman is battered. In J. Kasper’s article, Parenting Rage - Leashing the BEAST Within(9) , each day in North America, 3 children die from child abuse and 13,700 children are abused and neglected, according to the Children's Defence Fund. The questionnaire answers indicated that both men and women (and in some cases children) were the abusers. Here is just one example of the many that were submitted: “You see, the abuser is my brother, who lives with my mother, and I am trying to keep the family intact based on the request of my mom, who has Parkinson's and has recently become mentally and physically incapacitated.”
Topcondition.com (7) states, “Children between the ages of 3 and 17 are the most violent. 20% of this age group actually abuses their parents. One quarter of all murders are committed by teenagers. 25% of young males have carried a weapon at least one day in the last month.”
Those that are/were abused, women, men, and children as well as those that witness abuse (which usually are small children), have damage that is long-lasting. The men and women (and children) who are abusers must acknowledge that their behavior is wrong. In some cases it is illegal, and if police are involved, they may lock up the abuser with or without the victim agreeing.
Percentages may not add up to 100% because of rounding. Total counts may differ because all questions were not answered on all questionnaires.
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