Men Don't Listen and Wayne L. Misner 2023©    


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Getting Naked Again©

(By Wayne L. Misner,

  Yes this story is about those of us who become single again and want to test the water.  I’m single by choice. Not my choice.  My ambition is to be the last man on earth — so that I can find out if all those girls were telling the truth.

  I have been asked, “What is the best birth control for those of us who were married and now will be dating again? The answer:  get naked.  I called one women for a date and she said, 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."

  So I ask a new woman out, she says, “Let's be friends. What she really means, “I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and fall in love with.”

  However, when a women asked me out I said, “My life is too complicated right now” What I really meant is, “You're ugly.”

  So I told her I had an incurable disease. She didn't realize it was stupidity. All these women say that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, and money doesn't matter. But I haven’t met a woman yet who will fall in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

  I'm dating a woman now who, I love and evidently, she is unaware of it. She confessed that whenever she dates a guy, she thinks, is this man I want my children to spend their weekends with?   My dates seem to be getting strange; she called and said, "If anyone asks, I was out to dinner with you last night, okay?" Then she said, “I haven't met Mr. Right yet; but I have met Mr. Cheap, Mr. Rude, and Mr. Married”.

  There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Lamborghini and Ferrari convertibles. Now scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. It's called "Wedding Cake."

  I’m confused, it seems when a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky and somehow a woman already knows.  I have no luck with women. I went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me.

 I’m told that women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.  The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.  

  I feel women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

  I found out that black widow spiders kill their males after mating. They stop the snoring before it starts. Women tell me men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. Also women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. And the best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

  I’m not going to stop without giving some free advice to men: The most effective way to remember your girlfriend or wife's birthday is to forget it once.