Men Don't Listen and Wayne L. Misner 2023©    


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So You’re Perfect©

(By Wayne L. Misner,

  So you’re perfect or try to be. How’s that working out for you? Are you happy? Are those around you happy? The biggest problem in trying to be perfect is you are never happy or contented. Perfection robs happiness. It is extremely hard and time consuming to reach perfection. Making yourself and those around you up tight and nervous to try to achieve something makes you critical of yourself and those near you can never relax.

  Everything can be improved if you look at it closely and critically enough. Every person, every idea, every work of art, every experience, everything. So if you are a perfectionist, you are guaranteed to be a loser in whatever you do. You don’t have to be outstanding at everything, and you don’t always have to try your best!

  Since no one can ever be perfect you are headed for depression. You are becoming intolerant of others for they seem not only not perfect but don’t seem to care if they are or not. This state of mind of being perfect and not doing something unless you can be perfect will stop you from growing and trying all new discoveries.

  Do me a favor, try this dare—on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being perfect and 1 horrible—try doing a few things as a 5. That’s going to be very hard for you to do I know, but it is average that we will try for. You will see that the trick of average is to learn how to laugh at yourself, to see how funny something can be when you CAN’T do it perfectly! You will not only start to see how not being perfect can be very funny, but how all those that matter will start to relax and maybe everyone will learn to laugh again.

  If you are perfect that makes everyone around you feel that they too must be perfect, which puts a tremendous amount of pressure on many because most of us even if we try the best we can don’t have the ability to be perfect. When you show yourself as vulnerable it gives others permission to be vulnerable too. So you have the ability to make everyone feel comfortable by just being a regular easy going person. When I say regular I mean to be able to laugh at oneself, be funny, and make some mistakes. Be the first to forgive.

  If I thought for one second that happiness was guaranteed by being perfect which then brings success, I would say—go for it! However, one day you will wake up like millions of other high achievers that are successful and realize you are not happy. The answer is obvious: Success does not guarantee happiness and perfection robs from happiness.  Don't confuse comfort with happiness or wealth with success. Successful people tied their self esteem to perfection. Self esteem* should never be connected to success and definitely not with perfection. So when all these people finally succeed and realize they are not happy is when the real problems start. Focusing too much on what could be better, makes you miss out on all the things that are working so well.

  *Self esteem (the good opinion one has of oneself). High self-esteem correlates highly with self-reported happiness. If you feel you are a good person and feel that others feel you are a good person then it will not matter what you do as far as being successful in some type of occupation. Many people who have very low paying jobs, no titles, or formal education have high self esteem and are very happy in life. Where cases of complete opposites can be found for those who were or are high achievers and may have all kinds of money and titles.